Sex won’t always keep you connected to your partner.

This is a very important message I’d like to share to everyone.

Love isn’t always about sex sex sex…we rely too much on it for our happiness with our loved ones that’s why we face many difficulties in been happy in our marriage lives.

No matter how much connected or good you feel with your partner with sex, don’t depend on it to stay connected to your loved one. Because it fades eventually. And when it does you either lose interest or find your other partner unattractive. Which leads to constantly seeking for someone new outside.

Here’s then where the cheating begins. And when it does be sure to know that you and happiness have followed two different opposite directions.

Before we get connected to our partners in life there was at least something that had always attracts them to us. For some of us, it’s the way they look, some the way they dress, some the way they talk, some the way they tempt us or we tempt them. All these attributes result to issues in the future. Maybe having to experience change from the way that person does what he normally do or we grow wary and tired of constantly seeing them.

In the movie Friends with Benefits- the two partners were just friends who wanted sex with no attachment. They met after both had faced constant and different series of break ups. They agreed to be friends who can have sex but no side attachment of feelings involve. That’s how Friends with benefits was born. They thought sex was all that they needed until they grew tired and wanted to try something new, maybe try hooking each other up with side partners.

But deep inside them, actually they were trying to get rid of each other without issues involved in some way but later found out that all they needed was each other because whatever they had planned, it all didn’t work in the end. They realised they both know each other’s flaws and they fit for each other.

It occurs to them that at some point they actually were connected by the things they love about each other. They play like children, do crazy stuffs, have lots in common. And this were the trigger to the love, sex, and everything they feel towards each other.

In the movie Perfect Match- it was about a player who wanted no strings attachments or relationships but wants to F every sexy girl he ran into. He thought he was protecting himself from getting hurt by avoiding attachments until he met a girl who wanted to taste the waters with him. She understood that he doesn’t want attachment but still wanted to be having sex with her. And it was exactly what she wanted. They fell to it…took couple of weeks probably months until he realised she was getting married to another man which got him in an instant jealousy and hurt. He was in love with her.

But she wasn’t with him. He thought all along sex was the answer and in the end what he was avoiding took him by surprise. At the end of the day he just had to let her go. And believed in love and that the little things was what matters and not just sex.

What we all are missing is that the little, silly things we share with our partners matters too. Those silly talks, watching the movies together, Washing the dishes and helping her cook, hugging each other for no reason, cuddles, being crazy and weird with your man or woman. Those Tickles, been sarcastic and hilarious.

What’s there to be ashamed of? How do you expect to be happy in your marriage life when you don’t do all the silly things just because they’re silly?

Say i love you all the time to your loved one. Kiss them for no reason always, say sorry even if you’re not the one at fault for the sake of a peaceful home. Don’t use stress and tiredness as an excuse. That’s not an excuse. Stop hurting your spouses and expect them to attend to your sexual desires at night. They are not tools or machines or properties. They have feelings too.

If you’re to live your life without sex with your partner would you still have loved them? Be honest please. Can you live happily with love without sex?

Before you even think about marrying someone, think about why you want them first. Is it because of their beauty..? Because let me tell you this… it will fade.

Is it because of the curvy body…it will ware off too trust me.

Is it because of the way they dress, or because they have money or assets…and more?

If they are for these reasons, you will eventually dislike your partner when you meet someone who is or has better. That’s why you can never be happy or contented because you love your partner for a specific reason.

Perhaps if you decide to love your partner unconditionally then happiness will finds it way to you.

If your mind is gonna keep deceiving you that sex is the key to more love and happiness, then believe me you’re bound to keep hunting happiness.

The feeling of sex towards your partner eventually fades too. It’s not always about the sex…you gotta find that trigger.

Hope these helps in changing the way you see sex and love.

Like and Comment your thoughts please

Love you 😘

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Naysayers can’t see what you saw for Yourself: turn a dumb ear at them.

Are you a dream killer?

I came across this touching story in facebook the other day. It was about a once naysayer turning into a motivator motivating people to follow their dreams. Strange right?

At the beginning of his third year at Macalester College (in Minnesota, USA), a young woman from Zimbabwe got to the college with a new group of international students. He described her as very talkative, animated, extremely opinionated, and passionate about everything African. They argued about a lot of things and immediately struck into a friendship. She became like his little sister and He would mentor her as time went by.

She was very passionate about theater, and she kept acting in plays on the college campus. He attended a few of her early performances, which hadn’t impressed him much. In fact he said on one of occasions she performed, He walked out of the play because he couldn’t understand the weird plot and thought his time would be better spent on some homework.

She eventually decided to major in theater, something He vehemently advised her against. He told her that it was an absolute waste of time, and that she should study a ‘real’ subject like economics (as He was doing). He also told her she would go the way of other ‘starving artists’ once she graduated—unemployed with nothing but dashed dreams. As far as He knew, Africans just did not have careers in the arts.

After he graduated from college, hestarted his jet-setting career as a McKinsey consultant, while his poor ‘little sister’ continued down her doomed path. Why didn’t she listen to him, he thought and wondered. Couldn’t she see this was the path to unemployment? The following year, she graduated with her degree in theater and moved to New York to study a Master’s degree in theater and to try acting off Broadway.

They loosely stayed in touch. Then, 4 years later, He was flipping through TV channels in his hotel room on a business trip in New York. Who, to his major surprise, did he see playing a minor role in an episode of ‘Law and Order’, than this woman? She had actually found a somewhat respectable job! He called her, and they went out to dinner to catch up. She filled him in on the play she had just written, about a woman in South Africa who was living with HIV-AIDS, and which would soon start running in New York.

Her career kept rising. Her first play went on a world tour. Her second play won many awards. Next, she began acting in small independent movies, and she later landed a major role in one of the most popular TV Series in the world.

Some weeks later, this old friend of his who he once saw as just a sister invited him to a movie premiere in Johannesburg as her VIP guest. He watched with pride as she got onstage for a brief interview before they watched the movie. He then joined her for dinner afterwards with the movie’s cast.

This once ‘little sister’ of his, whose acting career he didn’t believe in 22 years ago was none other than the famous Danai Gurira now, and he was one of the first people in the world to watch what is likely to be in one of the most successful movies of all time—Black Panther—as her guest. He smiled as she casually introduced him to her own, Oscar-winning ‘little sister’ Lupita N’yongo, her co-star in Black Panther. They laughed and caught up about old times when they were in college and when He used to buy her lunch as a struggling actress in New York. Those times he never believed in her dreams he failed to mention. She’s still as opinionated and passionate as she was when He met her at the age of 18 as he now found motivating.

He had been apologizing to Danai for the last 15 years for not believing in her all those years ago.

The experience of not supporting Danai’s in her dream when they were younger taught him a very powerful lesson—one that has shaped his life’s work for the last 14 years: He now understood every single one of us has unique passions, talents, and destinies. We should never belittle someone’s dreams as unrealistic, and should never try to define what someone else should be. In his work today, He is on a quest to identify young talented ‘stars’ in various fields across Africa, and to give them a platform to fly. 3 million stars over the next 50 years to be precise. But now he never, ever tell them what they should be or do. He offer them one major piece of advice: “follow your passion. Don’t give up until you achieve your dream. Only surround yourself with positive energy, and remove those with negative energy from your life.”

When someone share’s their dream with you, do you encourage them or discourage them as foolish? Are you a dream killer? If you are a parent, are you truly listening to your child and giving them space to pursue their own passions, or are you trying to impose your own passions on them? What would happen if schools all around the world gave children the right to dream again? How much talent would we unleash onto the world? How much could this change the world?

Encourage and motivate people to chase their dream and passion. Don’t be the naysayer who object to other people’s dreams.

Facts that relate to my Life. First blog post (Things you need to know)

WordPress stated this to be my very first post. But it’s not actually, I’m just gonna use this post to inarticulate myself properly to WordPress users, friends and new to meet me. I’ll be sharing some personal infos about me but i hope you won’t be judgemental towards me. I’m an open person, you can tell me things and I’ll be happy to address you.

Formal Introduction

My name is Aliyu Abbas Aboubakar, but most people know me by Abbas as I’m officially known by that name. Aliyu appeared to be my first name which only a few people knew me with the name. Aboubakar is my surname.

When i was a kid i wonder if i had only one name as then I wasn’t well equipped to know if i had another and i whenever i hear other people’s names, i wonder why mine had to be rare and sounds funny. Yeah it does to me #haha. Until I grew to figured my parents are only used to calling me with Abbas but i had a first name actually which is Aliyu, a name which according to my paternal side granny’s sister was suggested by my sister shafa’atu. I’ve always wanted to join both the names together because i wanted to be addressed with both names. Which also could be cherished in memories of my two sisters.

Shafa’atu is my elder sister who died many years ago when i was just a boy. Nabeela who happens to be my younger sister passed away too when i left 5th grade. I was about 12 years then I guess, and she was 10. I was left alone with my parents as the last surviving child. You could think i now have all the love in the world right? but that’s not it.

This is how my story happens

Not everyone is fortunate to have parents who actually pays all attention to their child. Pitiful and sad i know. I grew up to have less attention from my both parents which kinda affects me in a way I couldn’t understand. My dad and mum are divorced for years before my younger sister even passed away. Mum got busy with school and him…wants me to be able to make it in life without him. I developed interest in movies and almost turn into a freak when it comes to the movies.

Ahh i wish i can interpret the Qur’an the way I can to the movies.

I learn almost everything through movies. Life was hurting but no one could notice. A day has never gone by without my sister in my heart and crossing my mind. I miss them (Shafa’atu & Nabeela). I wanted my name to be unique and different so i joined both names and make it sound English (Alieyabbas) still sounds funny…right #lol.

But it’s both in honour of my beloved sisters. The elder one love the name Aliyu and the younger one was use to calling me Abbas. So Alieyabbas was born.

Why i love to write

I developed the idea of writing well…umm i just found peace in writing. I can’t express my feelings in a way people would understand so I write. It all started from my handwriting, i loved it, i always wanted to see me write. So if i had nothing to write or copy i’d get a mini book full of sweet and love messages and i will turn them all into my own feelings and pour them into a different blank pages. Quotes, cutes post and text in movies, whatever appeals to my taste and knowledge, I write down.

I recently finished a book about parental issues with the kids, anger management, love and connecting to our inner selfs. This i hope will contribute hugely to the society and make better changes to our lives.

A symbol of love

Whenever I can’t seem to think of anything or write, i draw a symbol or love. This happens to be a part of me that no matter where i am, if i can carve or think of carving/drawing, i draw that symbol of love.

I love being around people and laughing all the time…I simply love happy moments #chuckles who doesn’t. Me laughing all the time was what affects me, because somewhere it became a part of me after surviving and learning to always manage to smile in difficult situations. It got me to the point that i smile even at serious situations. I might smile when you tell me things but trust me I’m feeling exactly the way you’re feeling. I just can’t express my feelings in any other way. If you happen to run into me, do pay a good attention to my smile. You’d be shocked to realise it’s just a worn mask on my face.

My entire life is quite a huge one. But almost all people around me took me for granted because i made myself available all the time. Don’t blame me, i just wanted to feel loved. For years most people had seen me as a fool but i turn a blind eye and pretended I don’t notice. And in the real picture I notice every inch of movement, countenance, murmurs, whispers, lies, mocking, mimicking, towards me, either negative or positive…everything.

I thought everyone would understand with time. But with time even my closeness with the people I thought i had a chance with, fades away too. What then I realised, what if they do? Doesn’t mean they will change towards me and give me the attention i so crave for. It might even get worse. So i left.

“Once you start giving too much importance to people, you tend to lose your value in their lives.”

I spend my entire life learning people and understanding them. I gathered the little experiences i had while surviving and the movies I’ve watched. It’s quite something. The way i could even predict people in reality and in movies was surprising to even me. I find solace in watching movies.

My Book about parental issues and how to stay connected to the Kid.

Years passed, I wasn’t able to express my feelings so I start on a diary…but to publish a diary, i knew some people will mistook me for a narcissist or selfish person. I wanted to make it something everyone could learn from around the globe. I wonder what… then it struck me. Write a book. That’s it. A book. I turn everything into a live changing experience. I thought this isn’t happening to just me, it circlet around the world too. I could see the bullies around me in reality and in movies. Many are victims of the same issues but doesn’t have a voice for we all don’t wanna hurt our parents or kill their spirits. But how do we solve problems with them without having to compromise the relationship we share. That’s why i wrote my book which is coming very soon.

This book is sure to help in many ways. I’m sure it could even change things for me too for the better. But it also has secrets about the current generation which i had to elaborate in order to make the reader understand the message. I apologise.

That’s quite enough about me. How about i hear from you too. Let’s get to know each please.

I’m here to be a sweet friend.

Comment below please.